Saturday, January 12, 2008

Screwed Over by a Guy? Never...NOT!

Guys? They are the people that us girls cant seem to get out of our heads. I have heard endless stories about how horrible guys have made people's lives, i never believed them. I always had a great outcome with guys, we would date have our fun and move on, never any hard feelings. Until now.
I never expected to develop feelings for him, we hardly even were friends. It wasn't until my best friend started dating him that i got to know who he really was. I got to like him as strictly a friend. Every night of the week the three of us, and sometimes others, would hang out. We had many good times that r still some of the best memories i have. Then he held my hand, the moment everything changed. He started expressing different feelings towards me, not in words, but in actions. It scared me at first for two reasons, one he was with my best friend and two i never looked at him that way. I decided to shrug it off at first, i dealt with it and he kept doing it. Then he finally talked about it, he told me he liked me too. I had been in such a bad place at that time that it felt good to hear someone wanted me. I fell for it. We began our secret affair, at the age of 16. It wouldn't happen often, but when his girlfriend wasn't out or after she went home we would sneak out together. I was screwing my best friend over. There were times that i felt guilty, but most the time it didn't phase me. It felt good to just have fun and be a little risque. We had our on going thing for about 5 months then his girlfriend, my best friend started to turn on me and not like me a single bit. me and the guy couldn't figure it out. I had another friend talk to her and figure out what was wrong. Apparently she seen us holding hands one night and began to hate me. It made me so angry that she assumed something was going on, even though there was. So now it was even harder for me and him to be together ever. but when we did it was amazing. after 2 1/2 yrs they broke up. I thought FINALLY we can be together whenever we wanted. and for a while that happened...and it was great. When i moved 2 hrs away for school we decided to be together on the weekends i would come home. I came home often for that reason. Then he started to play me, bad. He would tell me how much he wanted to see me and what we would do and how much he liked me, and when i got there he would sorta flirt and try things with me. But then he would tell other people, mainly his sister, how much he hated me and that he thought i was annoying. When i found that out i freaked out. Why would he do that to me. My anger turned to hurt and pain. I realized what all the girls were talking about when they said that guys act one way to u and a totally other way when you're not there. I was so upset, i never wanted to go out with him, but i thought what we did have was mutual. i thought we both just felt comfortable being together sometimes. i had decided a while b4 that, that as soon as either of us were in another serious relationship that we wouldn't be together anymore. Did something change in his head? it would have been nice if he told me. or if he didn't have the same feelings for me, he could have told me, we told each other everything..at least i thought we did. My emotions were a wreck. I had lost a best friend over him, he screwed me over royally, and on top of it all, my ex best friend and the guy are back together. How dumb is she? she knows he cheats on her with more people than me, but yet she still goes after him. Maybe he decided to be faithful to one person, so he ended things with me...and just didn't say it. I don't exactly no how to move on, i have hit dead end with feelings. I just want to be over it all. i guess maybe deep down i did want to go out with him, but more than anything i wanted to be wanted. I know it will be a hard road to get over him, but i am ready to, i just wish i knew how. Because i know if he was to want to get together tomorrow night i would probably say OK and do it, and make it even harder on myself, i have to learn to say no and MOVE ON! If anyone has a story like this, or just has any ideas where i should go from here please let me know i am willing to do anything. Thank you.